IslandMode

I’ve been hearing it over and over again from my lady friends; they’re anxious to, feeling the need to, pressing their boyfriend to meet his parents. I tried to figure out where females got the idea that meeting a guy’s parents was so important but before I even finished my question in my Google search the articles came pouring in. Countless number of women go through the same thing but they all want one thing: to meet their boyfriend’s parents. Tons of articles claim that one of the KEY ways to know if a guy is serious about you is if he introduces his woman to his parents. Other articles state that if he brings you to mum and dad it means he sees you in his future and as someone that he can see himself marrying. The list went on and on so I took to the streets asking ladies: ‘is it important to you to meet your boyfriend’s parents and why?’

The list went on to more than I can mention here but it all baffled me. Here’s another question: If a woman is in a satisfying relationship with a man that meets all of her needs and show signs of someone she can see herself with in the future why are women looking for validation from meeting two people (or one) to confirm their man’s commitment? If your guy isn’t quite close with his parents or don’t share personal aspects of his life with them why is it a pressing issue for women to meet them? Why, are women so convinced that once she meets her man’s parents that would cast out any chance of him cheating, leaving, lying or changing (for the worst)? Why is meeting your boyfriend’s parent necessary?

In my opinion, a lot of women are validating their relationships through what they read in magazines, what they see on TV, what they were raised to think and what they see their friends doing. A big part in the validation process brought on by these mediums is the introduction to the parents. Here’s the conflict: everyone’s story is different. Every man doesn’t find it necessary to take his woman home to his parents. It’s not because he doesn’t see a future with his woman or doesn’t respect her, it’s just because it’s not like him to do so. Ever stopped to think that some men may not want to take their women home because his parents are not the friendliest or simply because they are not that close so they may not care to know anything about his personal life?

Ladies, there are many ways to validate your relationship and ways to tell if your man is interested in a future with you. Try googling that and drop the parent thing. It’s so 80’s!

I want you to ask yourself, ‘Am I a Shelf Girl?’

See, something just toppled over in aisle 7 and on my way there to view what happened I’ve been glimpsing some of my girlfriends on the shelves. In case you’re wondering what a ‘Shelf Girl’ is lemme explain.

1. You’re interested in a guy and he seems to share the same feelings but he comes by now and again or even take you to dinner to keep you satisfied then he goes missing for a few days.

2. He runs over when you call him for comforting. He comes, comforts and then disappears once more for a few days.

3. He tells you he enjoys spending time with you and then he doesn’t talk to you for days on end.

Is this your situation? Are you like the grapes in the fruits section? Or like the ‘bag of chips, and alla that!?' All the possible buyers pick up the bag of chips, check out the size, sometimes even the ingredients and then rest them sloppily back on the shelf because he’s ‘not feelin’ that tonight’ or ‘that’s bad for him right now!’ He pulls a few grapes off the vine, pops a few in his mouth then decides he wants to move on with ‘Peaches!’

Ladies, remember to respect yourself. If you feel like he’s popping in now and again to keep you on his side then disappearing faster than Zorro after the heat of a sword fight, then it’s not worth it.

Unless you are comfortable with your relationship being one of ‘convenience’ then lay that out or don’t complain when he can’t serve you the way you want to be served. If this is a one stop shop, then act like it but don’t hold him accountable when you want 24 hour convenience.

On this end, we’re not promoting shelf behavior; you gatta move on. This kind of thing carries on into relationships that can possibly turn into marriages. What do you think your ‘fiancé’ does? Gives you a ring, take you off the store shelf but puts you on his shelf at home, and then keep you from potentially meeting someone that wants to bag you, taxes or not and take you home with a Kool-Aid Jammer Smile.

If you’re dating Spider Man, shelf behavior is okay; cuz we all know his has to run off into the wee hours of the night and fight off green villains. But if you are dating Mr-I-already-came-half-steppin-and-I’m-a-little-stupid-so-I-might-break-your-heart then mosey your neatly packaged self of those rusty shelves; you deserve better! ;)

This weekend past I got the opportunity to meet a few family members on a three day trip that was filled with great memories.

It's always refreshing to be around nice people but it was absolutely great being around family, that made me feel comfortable, accepted and welcomed.

This trip really made me realize the importance of family and a supportive unit. Seeing the way my cousins and parents supported me in every possible way and ran to my rescue if needed was a secure feeling. Watching how close my younger cousins were was a great feeling and knowing I have that back at home with my parents and sister was even a greater feeling.

This is an ode to family, the ones that stand by you no matter what differences occur. Always remember to be grateful for the ones you have, you never know when they'll be gone.



'You can kiss your family and friends good- bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you'- Fredrick Buechner