IslandMode

Let face it; as women we all want to be wined and dined and treated to the best when it comes to dating. As for men, you always want to make a good impression on the woman you're spending time with. However, dating can become quite taxing.

When the rough gets going on your cash, here are some ways to make a good impression while having fun and creating memories with that special someone.

Movie Night

You can quickly cut the cost of movie night from $14 for the two of you (which does not include snacks as yet) to $5 for your fave DVD and use the extra cash to stock up on snacks. You're saving, getting as comfy as you'd like and you don't have to stress about finding an outfit.

Cook :: For Her

Contrary to popular belief, the kitchen is not only for the woman. Guys, learn her favorite recipe and surprise her. Don't skip out on dressing up. Make it a sweet surprise by having her believe you're going out to eat. Recipes like pasta or chicken fettuccine are pretty easy, fast and inexpensive. It's thoughtful and romantic!

Check out an Art Museum

This just happens to be one of those dates that pretty much won't cost you a thing. Most art galleries around town cost nothing. The National Art Gallery of The Bahamas usually cost about $2 a person to get in. This is perfect for an afternoon thing.


Other cool dating ideas that can keep you within budget include

• A beach picnic
  
• Video game night
• Any activity that allows the both of you to do something you enjoy doing
  

I’ve been hearing it over and over again from my lady friends; they’re anxious to, feeling the need to, pressing their boyfriend to meet his parents. I tried to figure out where females got the idea that meeting a guy’s parents was so important but before I even finished my question in my Google search the articles came pouring in. Countless number of women go through the same thing but they all want one thing: to meet their boyfriend’s parents. Tons of articles claim that one of the KEY ways to know if a guy is serious about you is if he introduces his woman to his parents. Other articles state that if he brings you to mum and dad it means he sees you in his future and as someone that he can see himself marrying. The list went on and on so I took to the streets asking ladies: ‘is it important to you to meet your boyfriend’s parents and why?’

The list went on to more than I can mention here but it all baffled me. Here’s another question: If a woman is in a satisfying relationship with a man that meets all of her needs and show signs of someone she can see herself with in the future why are women looking for validation from meeting two people (or one) to confirm their man’s commitment? If your guy isn’t quite close with his parents or don’t share personal aspects of his life with them why is it a pressing issue for women to meet them? Why, are women so convinced that once she meets her man’s parents that would cast out any chance of him cheating, leaving, lying or changing (for the worst)? Why is meeting your boyfriend’s parent necessary?

In my opinion, a lot of women are validating their relationships through what they read in magazines, what they see on TV, what they were raised to think and what they see their friends doing. A big part in the validation process brought on by these mediums is the introduction to the parents. Here’s the conflict: everyone’s story is different. Every man doesn’t find it necessary to take his woman home to his parents. It’s not because he doesn’t see a future with his woman or doesn’t respect her, it’s just because it’s not like him to do so. Ever stopped to think that some men may not want to take their women home because his parents are not the friendliest or simply because they are not that close so they may not care to know anything about his personal life?

Ladies, there are many ways to validate your relationship and ways to tell if your man is interested in a future with you. Try googling that and drop the parent thing. It’s so 80’s!

I want you to ask yourself, ‘Am I a Shelf Girl?’

See, something just toppled over in aisle 7 and on my way there to view what happened I’ve been glimpsing some of my girlfriends on the shelves. In case you’re wondering what a ‘Shelf Girl’ is lemme explain.

1. You’re interested in a guy and he seems to share the same feelings but he comes by now and again or even take you to dinner to keep you satisfied then he goes missing for a few days.

2. He runs over when you call him for comforting. He comes, comforts and then disappears once more for a few days.

3. He tells you he enjoys spending time with you and then he doesn’t talk to you for days on end.

Is this your situation? Are you like the grapes in the fruits section? Or like the ‘bag of chips, and alla that!?' All the possible buyers pick up the bag of chips, check out the size, sometimes even the ingredients and then rest them sloppily back on the shelf because he’s ‘not feelin’ that tonight’ or ‘that’s bad for him right now!’ He pulls a few grapes off the vine, pops a few in his mouth then decides he wants to move on with ‘Peaches!’

Ladies, remember to respect yourself. If you feel like he’s popping in now and again to keep you on his side then disappearing faster than Zorro after the heat of a sword fight, then it’s not worth it.

Unless you are comfortable with your relationship being one of ‘convenience’ then lay that out or don’t complain when he can’t serve you the way you want to be served. If this is a one stop shop, then act like it but don’t hold him accountable when you want 24 hour convenience.

On this end, we’re not promoting shelf behavior; you gatta move on. This kind of thing carries on into relationships that can possibly turn into marriages. What do you think your ‘fiancé’ does? Gives you a ring, take you off the store shelf but puts you on his shelf at home, and then keep you from potentially meeting someone that wants to bag you, taxes or not and take you home with a Kool-Aid Jammer Smile.

If you’re dating Spider Man, shelf behavior is okay; cuz we all know his has to run off into the wee hours of the night and fight off green villains. But if you are dating Mr-I-already-came-half-steppin-and-I’m-a-little-stupid-so-I-might-break-your-heart then mosey your neatly packaged self of those rusty shelves; you deserve better! ;)

Let me get straight to the point! If your man shows up for a date late once that can be excused. If he shows up for another date late, that may be excused but this time, with good reasoning. If your man continues to show up for a date every night, every week, every month, then honey, it's a character flaw.

Let me bring it home for you. We're all human which means we are liable to make mistakes. It's a part of being, well, human. So when someone makes a mistake that is completely understandable; but when someone repeats the same behavior over and over again then it is considered a character flaw.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with character flaws, we all have them. But how much of a character flaw is acceptable?

There are some things you should tolerate but other just won't fly. Here's how to tell the difference.

1. If your man forgot your plans because he had a busy week or he is tied with something important- that is a mistake. If he forgot your dinner date at 8, your lunch date at 3, your sexy rendezvous at 2 because: 'oh I forgot again, I'm sorry.' then I hate to break it to you but that is a character flaw! He clearly has a problem with locking down a plan and making time for you.

2. If your man lied about something, depending on what it is, it may have been a mistake. Sometimes people lie to avoid hurting your feelings. When your man lies about hanging in another girl's bed because: 'she invited me over and I didn't know how to tell her no' or he got another girls number and claims: 'what? I wasn't going to call her, just didn't want to hurt her feelings by not taking her number.' Clearly your guy has commitment issues and not to mention, an issue with telling the truth.

Making mistakes is expected from everyone but always remember to put your foot down when the time is right. Your guy is only human and may forget things sometimes, show up late or any other mistake you can imagine but when his 'mistakes' are repetitive then something is certainly wrong. Nip things in the bud or get out, FAST, before it's too late.

Man- bashing: 'the act of speaking badly about men; usually amongst broken- hearted, inexperienced, not-treated-so-well-by-her-man, irate, lesbian women.'

It's everywhere! 10 Signs he's cheating, 10 Ways to know he's lying, 10 Body Languages that Give Away What he's thinking! But what about 10 wonderful ways to make your man feel special? Whether he's yours or even a friend let's take a little vacae from speaking badly about the men we can't stand but can't do without.

Here are 10 Wonderful things to do for your man.

1. Send him an inspirational text in the morning.
- When your man wakes from his night of sleep he's back to putting on the armor of Mega- Man! He's constantly having to prove to his asinine boss he's qualified, the thug next to him he isn't looking for trouble and the woman in his life (you) he can conquer the world and still give you that good loving you brag about to your girls. Help him to start his day off right. Say something quick, short and sweet.



2. Leave him a sexy note!
- Ladies, we're not the only ones that can appreciate surprises. Right as you hop out his car, sneak a sexy little note on his windshield or even in his clove compartment. Give him something to think about throughout the day.



3. Cook his favorite food.
- Even if you have to pull out that dusty cook book, look up a recipe of your man's favorite food and invite him over for dinner. Chanel your inner Rachel Ray and feed your man. We all know it's ONLY the gold- paved road to his heart!



4. Send him flowers
- Your man may be a man's- man but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to be wooed just like you do. Send him flowers as a sweet surprise.

5. Plan a date.
- Take the heat off him to find the restaurant, reservations and everything else and plan a date that not only you will enjoy but one that includes some of his favorite things.

6. Compliment him!
- When your man is at work he is constantly being told what to do (if he's not the boss. And even if he was no one cares to tell him how wonderful he is!). When he's around family he is being teased about his childhood but when he is around you, you should be sure to make him feel like he is a true dime piece. Take note if he got a new haircut, a new shirt and wearing a bright smile. Tell him he's handsome, charming and that you love and appreciate him. Remember, he doesn't hear this from anyone else so make sure he feels at home with you! And 'behavior you reward is behavior he repeats.' Reward him for the new haircut and he'll be more motivated to stay fly just for you.



7. Give him a massage
- Pull out the massage oils and give him a nice back rub. No one turns down a good back rub. Operative word: 'good!'

8. Wear something sexy- in his favorite color!
- Whether it's underneath or a full ensemble wear something sexy in his favorite color and he'll be sure not to forget that occasion or how amazing you looked.

9. Buy his favorite CD/ DVD/ Book/ Game
- Particularly if it's something he has been looking for for a while, purchase his favorite CD/DVD/BOOK/GAME and leave it somewhere for him to find.

10. Pray for/with him!
- There's nothing more powerful than prayer and here's one of the perfect ways to show your man you believe in him, you have a place for your God and for him and you want to make sure he is in safe keeping by the Big Man Upstairs.



*Proceed with caution! If your man makes no effort to make you feel special or to treat you with respect don't even begin. This is for the man that knows how to treat his woman and is in turn deserving of this kind of treatment.

IslandMode loves reading material and most importantly, reading material about love, sex and relationships. We've finished the book 'How to Love a Black Man' by Dr. Ronn Elmore and we've decided to share it with our devoted readers. This book was a great read and certainly an eye opener. It's real, it's honest and it's totally unbiased. Stay tuned for tidbits from this page turner. It's worth it.

The book starts out with Part 1: 'Reality Check' and in this portion the author attempts to identify the 5 types of women and what their main issues are when it comes to creating a long lasting relationship with men. This portion also talks about women finding out the truth about who black men really are- and AREN'T and what are some love substitutes women are using, which in turn is selling themselves short. Stay tuned as I break them down for you and don't forget: Love freely, love honestly, love wholeheartedly.

Whether it's a relation- boat, relation- yacht, relation- dream or a relation- shit; oh and of course, a relation- ship, everyone seems whole- heartdely, adamantly pursuing a relationship. Most people says it's apart of us fulfilling our human need to feel wanted and loved and cared for by someone else but I'm beginning to question just how important this is in our lives. No doubt, it feels great to have that 'special someone' that we can call our own, that someone that listens to our desires, woes and even babble but why does society put such pressure on it?

I must admit, I have fallen prey to societies pry to push each and every one of us into platonic relationships with, in most cases, someone of the opposite sex. But when did this become more important than taking the time to get connected with a Higher Power and then yourself? After all, don't we need to know our God and ourselves before we get to know other people?

Don't get me wrong, getting to know yourself does not mean you are incapable of getting to know someone else but I wish society would put as much pressure as they did on relationships with our counterparts as self development. What about dating Jesus for some time? Checking on Him now and then, voicing your opinions and asking Him his thoughts? Why doesn't society not talk about the 'butterfly in your tummy feeling' you get when He takes longer than you'd like to answer you? and then joy and excitement you feel when you know He is right there, guiding and protecting you; surprising you with blessings undeserved and holding you when all falls down?



Indeed, not everyone is concerned about spiritual growth so what about self development? What about checking out an art exhibition by yourself and creating critiques in your head, as though you were putting it together for an audience? And reading? and writing? and expressing yourself? Did relishing in your own greatness become a back seat passenger to hand holding, mixed signals and sweet nothings whispered in your ear?



Relationships are definitely important but relationships with a Higher Power is far more important than that with someone else. Get to know your God and yourself before investing in someone else. We owe it to ourselves to revel in God's embrace and in our own glory.

Earlier this week I came across the Tribune and on the front page was a gruesome story that not only shocked me, but scared me out of my whits! It was a story about an influx in young girls being pregnant; and this was not one of those teenage pregnancy stories, this time it was about 10 year old girls being pregnant!

Yes- 10 years old! With some cases being the cause of incest!

I strongly believe that sex is taboo in our country and it's hard to talk about it when everyone is shying away. So I'm here to do my part. Let's talk about SEX, it's misconceptions, information and everything in between. The Next 7 post will be geared towards sex and everything I think every young adult should consider when making that next step. Hopefully some of this information can be useful to grown people as well.

Before making decisions as it pertains to sex it is important to

1. Talk about it with someone mature and/ or experienced. Get advice about making the decision and ask as many questions.

Communicating with God is of a greater importance. Clearly sex out of wedlock is prohibited in God's books but if your are feeling urges or being pressures, set aside some time and talk to Him; He'll understand.



2. Talk to your partner. Are you ready to move to the next level? Why are you ready to have sex NOW? Are you having sex to fix an issue? Are you prepared mentally and physically?



3. Talk to yourself. And no, I don't mean the crazy way but be sure to constantly evaluate in your mind Why? When? with who?

4. Talk to someone in authority or someone you can trust. If you are being fondled in a way that makes you uncomfortable or by someone that shouldn't be touching you, talk to someone that can do something about it like a police officer, guidance counselor or family member.

Don't allow fear or shyness keep you from being safe in your sexual endeavours. The choices you make will determine your happiness in life.

Simone left home for a trip with her family while Marcus stayed home to do the usual. You know, work, take care of the bills, watch endless amounts of TV and not watch the plants because he could care less.

Since their last encounter (SexChronicles1- Cook your way to my thighs) the two haven't been getting themselves in much 'foreplay' so this trip was a true tester of their ties to one another.

Can they handle it?



The first night away seemed bearable for the frisky miss but she couldn't get her mind off dear Marcus. His strong arms, charming smile, chiseled abs, contoured biceps ... he was close to perfection.

As she dosed off after the family went to bed she thought about the way he kissed her. Precise! A few pecks then in for goal! Head drawn back, shoulders relaxed, bodies as close as they can be, a tug at the bottom lip as he plunges himself in her orifice ... this

was going to be hard ...



Touch me Beneath the stars, over the mountains, across the seas ...
remind me of your courage and your power to make me weak in the knees ...
blow kisses across the land and through the walls ...
squeeze your favorite parts and make your call ... I need you next to me



but he wasn't there ...
no where in sight to please her like she's never been before.

She wondered what he's been thinking about while she was gone. Did he miss her tender, subtle ... 'twins?'
Did he miss the graze of her skin? Did he miss the grip of her fragile arms? and what about the moan in her yearning voice ?





We'll find out next time

Simone has been depriving herself from the good ole ‘Magic Wand’ for some time now; and by Magic Wand I’m talking about the one that can cast the sexiest spell; throw your back out and cringe your darling little toes. She’s been huffin and puffin, moanin and groanin, cussin and well you know all that b.s …

Recently Marcus has been warming up to the weary SlimSimone and offered some down time conversation when he couldn't’t sleep at night. Seems like he needed some attention himself. Out of his good heart he offered to whip up something tasty for the little Simone; Shrimp scallops, smooth pasta, mixed vegs clothed by tender pieces of steak with a side of glistening red wine. Mmm Mmmm, hard breathing and wandering eyes filled the room to its brim; overflowing with aching bodies and silences that rings loud in the ear.

He whips out his knife and slices, kneed, flick a wrist and ignite the range, draw back and retrieve his favorite spices, run over to the bedroom and change into something more comfortable.

‘Dinner’s ready!’

Just like that, in an instant she is infused by flavors that awaken her taste buds, wrapped by the aroma of lust and craze, tickled by pushy desires and wanton.

They enter the kitchen in an attempt to clean the dishes but little did Marcus know Simone wanted to clean her dirty little mind.

They stand facing each other. He holds her hand. She shows him scars from it being broken at some point in her life. He works his way against the surface. He leans in … they kiss.

On the counter, with her pink tank top somewhere along the tiles as he cups her peach like cups in the center of his palms. He kisses her deeply; she leans in intently, keenly. He holds her tightly.
He caged her into his arms and carried her away to his bedroom, stripped her of her garments and lay her to await the most sensual touches she’s ever felt.


Gently he rubs the arches of her fragile back, kisses her long and hard on her trembling neck. Gently rest himself between her elongated legs and dances to her seductive tunes.

She smiles.

He goes in, this time with his arms securely behind her head, molding himself to fit her grooves ...

Dancing around the bed, she ends up on top, twisting and turning like she never have before … breaking out of her skin and freeing all inhibitions …
She whispers gently, breathes easily, pounce

Hold aggressively

Then suddenly

She whispers in his ear: ‘the warmth of your body sooths me, I can’t grab a hold of myself ….’

I must be missing a 'Chick- Chip' because after seeing this movie by Jennifer Lopez I'm starting to question myself, 'Is there something wrong with me?'

In her latest movie 'The Back Up Plan' she plays the roll of a single woman who wants a baby. She decided to go to a sperm bank for artificial insemination and it all spiralled out of control from there. Before she knows it she meets the glistening haired-golden smile-trophy boy and falls for him.

Long story short: She is frightened about what's about to happen, she falls in love and tries to figure out how she's going to tell her new beau.

This movie really started to get underneath my skin when she later found out that she is not only pregnant by a freckled face stranger, she's now expecting TWINS! Yes, two babies, just like in real life.

I'm tired of watching movies that no matter what the story line is, some part of Jennifer's real life has to be in there. When she is not the feisty Latina 'from the Bronx' she is the bootylicious Drama Queen. And in this case, she is preggers with twins like she was two years ago. I can't take this anymore.

Not to mention, there were one too many images for me about babies being born and visiting the doctor during this time.

*View at your own risk

However, I did find the content very interesting as I recently did a post about women and biological clocks and this movie is a testament to a woman's need to have children before time runs out for her.

Check out the trailer here

Wake up ladies and gents!!!! The alarm is ringing!
I’ve heard about the term ‘Biological Clock’ through television shows that were too grown for me to watch at that age. However, I couldn’t help my fascination and I tried to figure out ‘do I have a biological clock?’

Initially I thought it referred to a time period women give themselves to accomplish their dreams and start a family but according to answers.com biological clocks refer to:

1. An internal mechanism in organisms that controls the periodicity of various functions or activities, such as metabolic changes, sleep cycles, or photosynthesis.
2. The progression or time period from puberty to menopause, marking a woman's ability to bear children.

And just like that, it hit me! I’ve been going on and on for some time now about not wanting marriage and children but that was only decided upon if I felt well accomplished and stable. However, somewhere in the back of my mind I want to have a successful marriage and beautiful babies but with my work load, my dreams and my attitude that may be farfetched.
What stood out to me though is the idea of women not being able to bear children after a certain age. Now that was a bummer! Doesn’t look like I would have the ability to wait around after all; that of course depends on whether or not I want kids.

I started to do some research and I came across an article on CBC News.com which stated: ‘By 37, fertility is dropping steeply, and even with the most advanced medical techniques, virtually no women over the age of 44 are able to have a baby using their own eggs.’

Wikipedia stated: ‘a females egg quality starts to decline over the age of 35.’

And a few external sites claimed that fertility starts declining after age 27 and drops at a somewhat greater rate after that age. Tough pill to swallow? What about men?

Well that’s when the facts start to become a little unfair. Men can produce fertile sperm up until they are 80 years old and even more. Now ain't that somethin!

With this kind of information I decided to conduct a survey with 20 women and 20 men between the ages of 18- 35 and the results were very interesting. I wanted to know
1. Do you have a time limit to accomplish certain things in your life
2. Do you want kids?
3. Would you be upset or okay mentally if you are not a father/mother by age 35?

Here are the results:

> 14 / 20 females have given themselves time limits to accomplish their goals (college doctrates, homes, 'sensible husband' claimed one in particular
16 / 20 males have done the same

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Jane Doe stated, 20 stated: 'by 25 I would like to be finished with my law degree and at lest begin another degree in business ... whether part time or full time by 30 I hope to be home and already have the ground works for a successful career and somewhere in between there I pray I get married so by 35, while I still can, I hope to have one kid and be able to spend time with him ... be like super mom who goes to the office but can still see his soccer games ... '

She went on to say: 'I came from a household where my mom had to put her career on hold to raise me and I'd rather be selfish in a sense and get my act together career wise. I don't want to be too busy for my child.'

John Doe, 23 stated: 'setting goals are extremly important for me. I can't function without it.'

* One participant however stated that setting goals only make someone depressed if those goals are not achieved.

> Just 4 / 20 females said they don't have a time limit to accomplish their goals

7 / 20 males said the same

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Sherice Major, 24 stated: ' I think in this day and age a woman can have a kid when she is ready without the pressure. Medicine has become advanced to make it happen and I really don't know how I feel about marriage or wanting to be married... the only reason a biological clock exists is to force women to have kids. I don't think men think of the family and kids the way women do. They're in no rush, at least the majority of them, in my opinion.'

--------------------------------------

John Doe, 20 stated: 'I do not have a time limit, reason being, I've always been considered a late bloomer and I think I'm getting better with age as opposed to being on a downward spiral.'

When asked if he wants children he stated: 'I'm more focused on trying to be successful ... and to be honest I cannot answer that because I don't know where I'll be mentally in the next 5 years but my biggest fear is not being able to provide for my family/children and that's why I am in no rush.'

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By this time, it seems like females are more concerned with starting a family before time runs out while men are more concerned about accomplishing their goals before starting a family.

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> 20 / 20 females wanted children or had them already

19 / 20 males wanted children or had them already

> 7 / 20 Females said they will be okay with no kids at age 35 (hesitantly)

13 / 20 males said the same

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June Smith (she decided Jane Doe was ugly), 20 said:

'I'd be fine with no kids at 35. The question for me would be if I'd be okay if I wasn't married by 35. I've been watching labor videos and it's not pretty.'

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> 12/ 20 Females said they WILL NOT be happy with no children at age 35

6/ 20 Males said they WILL NOT be happy with no children at age 35

Tracey P, 20 stated: 'Right now in my life, my career is my number one concern so it dictates how other things will go. I definitely want to be married and have a family, however, I do not intend on going down that road until I am satisfied and fulfilled with my career. '

When asked about not having children by age 35:

' ... the thought of being 30, unmarried and without kids kinda frightens me but mostly because society teaches us that. When a man is 30, unmarried and without kids he's seen as cool just like George Clooney! No one bothers to ask 'oh when is he gonna get married and settle down?' but when a woman is in the same situation they say 'geee when is she gonna get married, etc.'

D'Angela Knowles, 22 stated: 'If I am single then I think it will be a bit of a downfall mentally because that's important in building a family but you can't do that unless you find the right guy'

Jillian Russell, 18 said: ' I fear that my goals and kids will clash. No kids by 35? What happens? I love kids so I won't be totally depressed but I'd be a bit upset.'

Jane Doe, 20 said: 'By 35, many of my friends will have kids in college. I think by the time I get to thirty the pressure will be on so I won't be okay with that at all!'

Ally T, 18 said: '35 is too old to start having children'

Male perspective:

Ampero, 25 stated: 'I think I'd feel like I'm lacking something if I don't meet my 35 mark; like an unfinished chapter'

Chrisean Dames, 23 stated: '35 is too old for kids'

Schvonne Mckinney, 20 stated: 'I don't want to be 50 years old with a 5 year old son'

Clearly this has been an interesting topic and I wouuld like to share my feed back in another post.